By Sydney Keith
Originally written and performed as part of Plank Island Theatre Company‘s “Writing Wrongs” monologue show in Aberdeen, The Cat Commitment was also selected to be featured in the first annual New Works Festival “Cocktails and Monologues” presented by Chicago-based Paradox Theatre Works.
CHARACTER: Stacy is a wannabe influencer who thinks everything she says is cool and doesn’t have time for people who can’t get on her level. She will probably be scrolling through Tik Tok anytime it’s your turn to talk in the conversation–but she’s totally listening. She is bubbly and vivacious, but ultimately she’s probably trying too hard.
They just require so much attention these days! I don’t have room for that in my life. And have you seen the amount of food they consume? I work TWO jobs, but I’d still go into debt trying to foot that bill. I mean, I can barely take care of myself, I can’t even begin to imagine adding another piece to that equation.
Besides, I’ve already got Sparky. The two of us do just fine on our own. He’s my Balinese Shorthair. [Beat]. My cat? You should know this already, don’t you follow us on social media? [Disgusting, how could anyone not?] Ugh, OK. [Unbelievable] Well, remind me to give you Sparky’s Instagram handle before you go. He is literally my world, I actually just bought a new cat tree for his room the other day. [Beat]. Of course he has a room, Sparky deserves to have his own space and it’s not like my roommate really needed it. Anyhoo, there’s only like…seven cat trees in it right now, but I have eight more waiting in my Amazon shopping cart, I just can’t buy them till after this weekend. I’m paying my artist friend from Cali to paint a mural in Sparky’s bedroom. Get this: it’s gonna be a rainforest! Isn’t that exciting! It’s my theme for his whole room: rainforest. I wanna get some shelves to go where the trees are painted on the wall so he can climb them like they’re real branches, you know? That way he can feel like he’s actually experiencing nature inside his room! Maybe I’ll get some moss to hang down from the shelves to enhance the vibe… [Beat] Duh, it’ll be fake! Garden moss from Home Depot wouldn’t grow in that sunlight. I’ll probably just find something on Amazon and add it to the order I’ve got started. I know it’s better to shop small and support the local economy, but like, I went ALL out for small business Saturday this year AND I made all the posters for those poor retail workers who went on strike last December, so you know. I’m doing what I can.
By the way, thanks for taking your lunch with me! I usually just get by with a smoothie but today I had an excuse to splurge on some real food! I just don’t really have the money to eat full meals on a regular basis–but now that Sparky’s had all his shots and surgeries I can start cushioning my savings again. Ooh! Speaking of having money to spend, what do you think of these green ropes? I’m thinking about buying some to hang from the ceiling in his room so they look like vines. It’s only forty dollars for each of them, which is pretty good if you think about it. [Beat] Well, I’ll keep them in the cart for now anyways. To answer your question from earlier though, I have to say no. I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now. I just can’t make that commitment to someone else.
Sydney Keith 